In Tortoise, In Shell

Posted by Neil Pasricha

https://1000awesomethings.com/2026/03/19/721-drinking-anything-through-the-little-hole-in-a-coffee-stirrer-4/

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My sister and I took skating lessons when we were kids.

For years my parents drove us down to the rusty old arena around the corner on Sunday nights. Cheap coffee, chilled sweat, and change room mold lingered in the air as we laced up our skates between other two-foot tall kids in big swishy snow pants.

Most of my memories of the place involve hitting the ice head-first, hitting the boards head-first, and getting ice shavings up my mitts. But it was all worth it.

Yes, it was all worth it because I got to enjoy a celebratory chocolate milk at the end of each trip. And since chocolate milk was such big deal to me I did my final laps of the rink just dreaming about the stuff. And sure, I had many dreams on those nights — mostly of well-stocked first aid kits, dry mitts, and space heaters — but nothing was better than that chocolate milk.

Now, nothing made my chocolate milk last longer than drinking it through the tiny hole in a coffee stirrer. Oh sure, maybe it felt a bit unnatural at first, and I admit it’s probably not the greatest move for picking up chicks down at the drive-in or dirtbike tracks, but come on: how good does it feel to suck your cheeks in real hard and vacuum up your drink through that tiny pinhole?

Plus, there’s the Maximum Drinking Time (MDT) factor as well. While my sweaty buddies gulped down their milks in thirty seconds I got to enjoy mine over the next few days — taking it in drop by drop, molecule by molecule, and letting it just soak up and into my mouth every so sweetly.

People, if you’re with me then just suck it up kiddy-style once in a while.

For old time’s sake.

AWESOME!

Photos from: here, here, and here

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Posted by Neil Pasricha

https://1000awesomethings.com/2026/03/18/722-watching-seniors-do-water-aerobics-3/

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Speedos snapped on and earplugs pushed in, old folks dip into the local pool for a cardio session on water. And if you happen to catch a glimpse of the jumping jacks and karate kicks or happen to be in the game yourself, then you know how fun it is to see all the wet perms, dripping glasses, and smiling faces.

They just look so happy.

AWESOME!

Photo from: here

Illustration from: here

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Posted by Neil Pasricha

https://1000awesomethings.com/2026/03/16/724-placing-the-last-piece-of-the-puzzle-4/

https://1000awesomethings.com/?p=32701

I don’t have the patience for puzzles.

If I’m hanging out at your house late at night and someone walks into the room shaking a big 500-piece box with a cover photo of a gray boulder balanced on a gray cliff, then I’m not having it.

Okay, I might help you find the corner pieces or start the first edge, but that’s it, honestly. After it gets into the no man’s land of middle pieces, and people start making stack-piles of colors, passing around the box-top and squinting, and silently trying to clip piece after piece after piece together, well I just can’t take it anymore.

When everybody crowds around the coffee table I start sulking and retreat to the couch where I occupy myself with productive jobs such as stacking all the coasters, finger-dragging the crumbs out the side of the cushions, or trying to eat a potato chip without chewing it, which is actually much more difficult than it sounds. (Quick tip: focus all your energy on sucking the flavor powder off very slowly and make sure to avoid all accidental biting in order to score a soggy and bland potato slice perfect for swallowing.)

But see, this is why it’s so great when somebody finally places the last piece of the puzzle.

There’s usually some giddy anticipation as the pace quickens towards the finale. All fingers get into the game, attaching major edges together and finally finding that one piece we all knew was here somewhere with the other half of the bird’s wing on it.

Hey, the last piece of the puzzle is great because it means you have the last piece of the puzzle. Let’s not overlook this fact. After all, who among us hasn’t picked up a cheapo garage sale special and only discovered it was four pieces short when you were putting it together? Talk about a buzz kill.

Secondly, it means you finally get to see the big picture. Up until that point it’s all poking, prodding, and passing around the dog-eared box top, but now we’ve got a poster. Some people even mount these things and stick them on a wall.

Lastly, there is a thick and heady sense of smoking satisfaction in the air. Even though I’m probably drinking a tall glass of wine and flipping channels past infomercials at this point, even I can feel it. The gang all pitched in, all helped out, and together accomplished the mission.

Now the party can really get nuts.

AWESOME!

Photos from: here, here, and here

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Posted by Neil Pasricha

https://1000awesomethings.com/2026/03/12/726-eating-the-part-of-the-cookie-that-fell-in-the-milk-4/

https://1000awesomethings.com/?p=32697

Finishing your snack with a bite of cookie leaves a nice sweetmouth feeling but clogs your molars with sugar-paste and practically begs for something to wash it all down. Then again, finishing with a big swig of milk rinses away the delicious flavor-saving chocolate chip fillings you’ve got back there which is just no fun.

People, there’s only one option here.

Finish by eating that soaking-wet cookie chunk that fell in the milk earlier.

Yes, maybe you forgot about it so it’s a surprising little dessert encore. Or maybe you pre-planned the whole thing because you’re crazy like that.

Either way, when you toss that milky soaked-to-the-bones leftover into your mouth it melts into a  sugary, chocolate chip crumb-puddle and splatters in all directions.

Yes, that’s when you know you just experienced unparalleled levels of deliciosity.

That’s when you know you made it.

AWESOME!

Photo from: here

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Posted by Neil Pasricha

https://1000awesomethings.com/2026/03/10/728-interspecies-action-figure-wars-4/

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When I was a kid and played with He-Man guys or Transformers, there was always a time when the scale of whatever war I was waging grew beyond the number of figures I had from that set. This meant that I had to throw in other guys to pad the numbers to make sure everything was just fine.

For example, He-Man would help The Autobots when Skeletor was bearing down on them with all his henchmen, some bad GI Joe guys, Randy Macho Man Savage, and a lone Captain Planet villain from a random aunt two birthdays ago.

This also worked for tournaments, Battle Royals, and no-holds-barred street races.

You knew the races were getting out of hand when a big Tonka dump truck started playing dirty and dumped a half-dozen Micro Machines on the carpet to scramble and run the Batmobile off the road.

Sometimes my sister got in on it, too.

If the Decepticons kidnapped Barbie then Ken would jump on My Little Pony to try and rescue her. And if that didn’t work, she’d be forced to wheel out the big guns.

Yes, I’m talking about the Cabbage Patch Kids.

Oh sure, they were just stuffed dolls, but they were also four times the size any of my action figures and had really heavy faces that were strong as steel. Basically, the game was over at that point because she’d capture all my men and just toss them in the Easy-Bake Oven.

And come on, there was something great about those interspecies action figure wars. Think back and remember sliding across the carpet in your overalls, making spitty sound effects, and zooming your head into an imagination world that was so fun, so real, and so

AWESOME!

Photos from: here, here, here, here, and here

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p style=”text-align:right;”>Illustration from: here

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Posted by Neil Pasricha

https://1000awesomethings.com/2026/03/06/730-when-the-babys-diaper-isnt-as-bad-as-you-were-expecting-4/

https://1000awesomethings.com/?p=32689

Changing diapers is not awesome.

In fact, it’s probably something you’d find over on 1000 Annoying Things, that non-existent netherlist we mentioned before which also features #998 When you realize you’re out of deodorant as you’re putting it on, #997 Forgetting your umbrella at the restaurant, and #996 When the hot water runs out before you rinse out your shampoo.

Mommy and daddy, you know what I’m talking about. Sure, you love your child, and yes, you rationally understand that frequent bowel movements are a sign of good health, but when you groan and grog-waddle over to the crib at three in the morning, it’s just not a pretty scene.

That’s why it’s so great when you’re expecting Number 2, but get lucky and just score a leaky Number 1 diaper. It’s like a tiny present from your little bundle of joy. So high-five the little slugger before pulling the quick-wipe and slapping on a new dipe.

AWESOME!

Photos from: here and here

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